T1 - B50

Totally don't feel well today.

And don't really feel like blogging. T_T.

Why?

Why indeed...

I feel like it's getting worse and worse.

Today, I achieved my lowest Math mark ever. It made me depressed since Math was something that I never had to try to understand...

Now it seems like I'm getting so far behind.

It makes me want to cry just thinking about it...

And I did today.

Cried so much...

And received no sympathy from Mom.

She says I shouldn't let these things get to me...that crying won't change anything.

I'm not stupid, I know that. But when I'm sad, I have no other way to release my emotions. Poetry just doesn't cut it for me anymore.

Or maybe I'm just tired of having to look at my depressing poems and realize just how messed up I am.

Thought about cutting today...

Rejected the idea.

Would leave scars. Scars are evidence. And I don't want that.

I'm psychotic.

Hysteric.

Crazy.

Depressed.

In pain.

And all the while optimistic.

See what I mean?

Boy, I hope no one has read this far.

It's kind of unsettling.

Even as I'm just looking over it.

I shouldn't publish this.

Then again, it's an awful waste of typing if I don't.

A waste of time.

And I shouldn't be wasteful.

I need a math tutor.

Wish I didn't.

Didn't use to.

Mom shouted at me to practice piano today again.

I hate the piano,

Sometimes I think Mom loves the piano more than me.

Stupid black and white keyboard.

Stupid tantalizing notes.

Stupid stressful piano lessons.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Yeah, I am stupid.

Even though somewhere up there, I claimed I was not. See how confused I am?

I totally shouldn't publish this.

Too late to turn back?

Sigh. I feel like swearing at Mom.

But I can't.

I'm angry. Frustrated. Sad. Misunderstood. Depressed. Unsatisfied. Lonely.

Oh well.

Life goes on.

Unless.

It is stopped.