T3 - B28

Another day of school. Another day of absolute boredom. I swear I get less enthusiastic about it every day.

Well lately, I've been analyzing my own behaviour. I figured that if I wanted to have a career in psychology, I should start with analyzing myself.

A couple of things that I analyzed:

1) I have a really bad habit of fidgeting when public speaking.
2) I pass by a mirror at least 20 times a day.
3) I'm likely to fall asleep on the sofa if I lie on it after school.
4) During tests, I have the habit of placing my hand on the side of my head.
5) It takes me a couple seconds longer than most people to reply when people greet me.

And here are my psychological explanations for my behaviour:

1) Anxiety. Although my voice only quivers slightly, my hands like to move too so that perhaps the nervousness would transfer there instead of into my speech. It's simply stage fright at a minor level.
2) Vanity. Would be the obvious answer of course. Instead in my case, I find that there are just too many mirrors in the house. Due to the fact that I grew up with all these mirrors, I naturally want to walk pass the mirrors or unconsciously do so.
3) Tiredness. Again, that would be the obvious answer. However, that's different again in my case. Sure, I do sleep extremely late at night and that would account for why the naps have such an extended duration (approx 3 hours), but I believe that there is a more detailed explanation for why I take naps after school. I believe it's simply because I don't wish to do work. Knowing that if I'm awake, I'll be told to do work, I fall asleep to avoid the work. Avoiding reality in other words. That could be the deeply rooted reason...there's something about reality I hate? Well it's either fatigue, laziness, or depression...well, i think it's the latter.
4) It's a habit I've had for a long time. Perhaps I concentrate better like that, perhaps I don't. I really don't know. It's simply something I do whenever I need to really focus on something. And it works. It blocks off one half of my hearing since I usually place my hand over my ear. So maybe in a way, I do that so that I won't hear anything or look at anything else while I'm doing something. And over time, it's developed into something simply habitual.
5) I have to think a few seconds before replying. This could be explained with several different reasons. I'm not sure which one it is yet.
a) I have slow reflexes.
b) I have to think about what I reply with.
c) I have a social experience in the past that traumatizes me to the point where I have to think so that I don't say anything wrong, is shy, and won't talk to just anyone.
d) I'm stuck on whether I should be quiet or friendly.
e) I have to look at the person clearly before replying.
Well it could be any of the above. Or none of the above. I'm not sure at all.

Alright now that I've done this analysis on myself...I don't really feel like I accomplished anything. Perhaps I knew about all of the above before...or maybe I simply don't care for psychology. Oh see...more psychology right there.

I can't help who I am. Can I?